Relationships of every kind come with tests and blessings, ultimately each one is an opportunity to gain closeness to Allah ﷻ by treating his creation with respect and love.
Relationships are also opportunity to grow both emotionally and spiritually, they allow us to understand ourselves more.
A time and place for nature & nurture
Daughter in laws can be hesitant to embark on ‘getting to know’ their mother-in-law and be cautious based on stories within our communities, but it’s essential to be intentional about the relationship. Even what we intend will be rewarded.
"Actions are according to intentions, and everyone will get what was intended.” Bukhari & Muslim
Begin by reminding yourself that everyone’s experiences are different. We can often hear about the bad experiences but that doesn’t have to be your story. Beautiful relationships can bloom and feed into an overall good family unit.
Be the one
Be the first to approach your mother-in-law with warmth and love, she may also be anxious about embarking on a new relationship so breaking the ice and being warm can help everyone feel like this is a safe space for all. This could mean expressing to your mother-in-law that you’d like to have a good relationship and look forward to getting to know her and her you.
Nature
Whilst it’s important to cultivate a safe space for both of you one key aspect is nature, some relationships do need time and letting nature take its course can be helpful. This doesn’t mean you sit back and do nothing but observe and be mindful of your mother-in-law’s likes so that you can love her through her love languages. Patience and pace are two important things to consider with new relationships, your in this Insha Allah for the long haul.
“So, observe patience, a good patience.” [Qur’an, 70:5]
Mama, Hoyo, Mummy, Ma, Ami…
From experience and hearing from other sisters it could be important to find out what your mother-in-law would like to be called as well as reflecting on what works for you. I realise looking back I wasn’t sure on what name to use, but I also could have asked, and didn’t. The uncertainty meant I didn’t use anything for some time and that may have slowed the progressions of our relationship or inferred a lack of respect.
Are there other wives already in the family? What do they call your mother- in-law? Are there any cultural nuances you need to be aware of? Whatever you decide, be comfortable with it.
Dua
The most powerful tool we have as Muslims is our relationship with Allah and this the tool of dua. Embark on making dua for a healthy relationship with your mother-in-law and continue to make this dua for success in this life and the next. Allah has the power to assist and guide you to have a beautiful relationship and it’s not something to take lightly.
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