There’s no doubt that sharing your space with people you’re still getting used to, is far more challenging than many think.
You eagerly embark on a new chapter, with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. You want uninterrupted quality time, space for your relationship to grow and control over that space. But all these things can be hard to achieve when there are others involved. So the question is, how do you cope?
Here are some top tips from a daughter in law on how to navigate living in household with your in laws.
Be Kind to Yourself
It’s really important that during this transitional phase you’re kind and understanding to yourself. It’s not productive or helpful to beat yourself up about the frustration you may feel frequently at first. This is all so new, and perhaps some things are not what you expected them to be. That’s absolutely normal, and a part of life.
Find habits you enjoy that feel soothing and attempt to stick to them every day. Think of it as your time, solely for your own self-care and self-nourishment. You can’t take care of anyone else if your cup is empty, and your cup deserves to be full, despite what others might feel.
Space, space, space - but where do I get it?
This is a tricky one, because living with in laws can often make you feel quite compromised in terms of personal space. You want to be alone with your spouse wherever you go in the home, but that’s just not a reality right now. It’s really important to keep in perspective, how things are right now are not necessarily how they will be forever.
It’s important your spouse is on the same page as you when it comes to your struggles. Try to express in a calm and loving way, that spending time alone with them is very important to you. Come up with an understanding together of how you can achieve these goals.
Frustration to Patience
You need to accept that you will find yourself to be frustrated at times. Perhaps you had plans and they changed because unexpected guests came over. Maybe you were going to cook a delicious meal and the kitchen became occupied. Whatever it may be, this is a golden opportunity for you to practice patience.
Imagine the amount of reward you could gain for that split second decision - rather than this being something that ruins your day, you choose to rise above it. Rather than this being something you turn to your spouse in upset, he sees your patience and even if he doesn’t… remember,
There is no doubt about Allah ﷻ witnessing that moment, and He tells us:
وَٱلصَّلَوٰةِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ مَعَ ٱلصَّـٰبِرِينَ ١٥٣
Allah is truly with those who are patient.
Take it one day at a time and remember, it’s okay to struggle sometimes. Every struggle is an opportunity to grow and strengthen your character, and an invitation to get closer to your Lord.
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